All my life I have been empty. The doctors could not tell me why I was so depressed, and I never knew myself until today. I needed to experience my life as a goat. Goat Simulator his filled the void in my life.
I knew as soon as I hit the truck with my goat that this was what I had been missing. I flew through the air in slow motion, tongue flying around, hitting the edge of the map and rebounding back, landing on (and falling through) the roof of a house. I could not get out, but that did not matter. I was treated with the ability to look down into the house beneath me, seeing the unsuspecting people casually sitting at their computers, oblivious to the sheer terror of the goat above them.Whether it was playing football with a basketball, swinging lampposts into groups of people or even doing 1080 degree flips, there was no limit to life as a goat. I didn't think it could get any better than this.I was wrong.As I jumped and screamed my way around the map, leaving a path of destruction in my wake, I happened upon a golden statue. Curiosity overtook me and I resisted the urge to grab it no longer. My life as a goat changed completely. I had a jetpack.I knew that this was meant to be, and what my mission from the Great Coffee Stain in the sky was. I was granted the supergoat power of being able to lift people and cars with my tongue. I could survive any impact. I could slow down time with mere thought. Now I could fly. It was time for world domination. Humanity had to be silenced so that the new goat overlords could reign supreme.All the humans are dead or enslaved. I have won. I am the goat, the goat is me.Go and goat this game. I kid you not, for mere bucks you can experience a sandbox like no other. Destruction, mayhem, death defying stunts. Seriously, there are more than 921 million goats in the world. Killing the humans was just part of the game. This is a SIMULATOR. Do you understand? A SIMULATOR. This can happen. There are enough goats out there to enslave us and/or kill us.It is your duty as a human to get this game, so that you may truly know your enemy. An enemy people do not take seriously, an enemy that we know nothing about. Coffee Stain studios have granted us the insight into the true terrifying reality of the impending Goatpocalypse. This is your weapon against the goats. Be prepared, for the goats are coming to get us.
Man a lot of effort went into that view. Even the 'About The Game' section is amusing
Goat Simulator is the latest in goat simulation technology, bringing next-gen goat simulation to YOU. You no longer have to fantasize about being a goat, your dreams have finally come true! WASD to write history.
Gameplay-wise, Goat Simulator is all about causing as much destruction as you possibly can as a goat. It has been compared to an old-school skating game, except instead of being a skater, you're a goat, and instead of doing tricks, you wreck stuff. Destroy things with style, such as doing a backflip while headbutting a bucket through a window, and you'll earn even more points! Or you could just give Steam Workshop a spin and create your own goats, levels, missions, and more! When it comes to goats, not even the sky is the limit, as you can probably just bug through it and crash the game.Disclaimer: Goat Simulator is a completely stupid game and, to be honest, you should probably spend your money on something else, such as a hula hoop, a pile of bricks, or maybe pool your money together with your friends and buy a real goat.
