90 replies to this topic

[Brother Aries]

if you guys like this app try the chive, and Ifunny
chive is nice... if you know what i mean and i funny makes me giggle

[RDSFirebane]

lol I don't use any of the apps I hunt these down just turns out most the time C@H has the funniest comics.

[RDSFirebane]

Just so you guys know I support gender equality and thus support today's first comic whole heartedly

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[JC 042]

Nice one, I wouldnt be surprised if my parents do that to me when the time comes.

[RDSFirebane]

Spoiler

[xxxblackspider]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

[Armoured Priest]

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I see what you did there.

[RDSFirebane]

lol glad to see someone other then my finally posted a joke.

Going old school today. Text base jokes for a while! lol.

An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"

Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."

Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."

Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???"

Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you."

[JC 042]

I know plenty of dirty and blonde jokes, not sure if Id be allowed to say some of them though

Heres some examples, if its too rude, Ill stop:

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Three guys go on a skiing trip,
Unfortunately theres a problem with the hotel reservations so theres only one bed,
At night with all three of them sharing the same bed the two guys on the left and the right side of the bed have strange dreams of having hand jobs,
The following morning when they wake up the first guy on the left of the bed said "I had a strange vivid dream of being given a hand job", the guy on the right said "Really? I had the same dream!", the guy in the middle of the bed said "I just dreamt of skiing.

Blonde joke:
What does a blonde and a door knob have in common?
Everyone gets a turn.

If their too offensive Ill delete them, if you like em I'll post more

[RDSFirebane]

lol their fine.

[JC 042]

AWESOME!

[xxxblackspider]

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How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

What's stucco?
What happens when you step in bubblegummo.

She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.

[Talos Valcoran]

Those are pretty funny.

[xxxblackspider]

Those are pretty funny.

This thread has been making my day every day

[xxxblackspider]

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

[JC 042]

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX -

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When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX -

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After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX -

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After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX -

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When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

[RDSFirebane]

Spoiler

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

[xxxblackspider]

[RDSFirebane]

I love the awkward moment when he realize there's humans in the pool he is drinking from.

This isn't so much a joke as it is something I laughed at.

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[RDSFirebane]

Spoiler

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel."

"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."

"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."