51 replies to this topic

[Domine Nox]

In the grim darkness of the future mankind's crusade to pursue the will of the God Emperor is at constant odds with the myriad xenos that threaten the life and well being of all of mankind. For in the grim darkness of the far future there is only war.

Aboard the Righteous Truth elements of the Crimson Fists chapter of space marines prepare for battle. In the hanger bay vaunted space marines in their holy power armor prepared for their oaths and prayers before landing in battle to deliver the Emperor's truth to the filth that lay unknowing on the planets surface. Standing tall amidst the kneeling warriors stood a figure clad in black armor with an intricately carved helmet in the semblance of a grinning skull. In his hand he held a staff of crackling energy.

"Brothers of the Crimson Fists. Sons of Dorn." He began. "Those xenos bitches have no idea what awaits them. We shall bukkake upon their faces, and slap our genitalia in the air upon our victory. None can stand before the fisting that we shall deliver unto them." The assembled Crimson Fists cheered in response, giving their formal salute of a groin thrust, which the chaplain returned.

"Well said, Reclusiarch." Captain Hudson said as he gently touched his finger tips to the Reclusiarch's helmet, and tenderly slid his fingers down the skull mask. "I was moved deeply. So much so that I realized I had to empty my bowels. Thank the Emperor for the suits recycle functions." The two made their way to their thunderhawk for the strike on the planet.

[Sammael]

The Codex Asstartes approves this action.

[Gerhart]

This tomfoolery will not stand!

[Brother Aries]

OMG someone call a mod. We have trolling with tomfoolery. That is double hearsy!!!

[Grimaldus]

the chapter Librariaum approves of this record of the Fists

[Hudson]

It was like you were there amazing detail!

[Brother Aries]

It's too easy to troll this thread.

[Angry Comedian]

If you think that's bad u should see how we shake hands .

[destroyerOFwill]

Best story EVER

[Domine Nox]

The thunderhawk began its decent through the vacuum of space towards the planet surface. As it pierced the atmosphere anti-aircraft guns opened fire on the Crimson Fist craft. From the front of the craft could be heard a voice slowly growing in rage.

"You can't hit me with your flak." The ship rocked slightly. "Bullshit! There is no way you anticipated that bank!" Again the ship shuddered from a nearby blast. This time there was a scream of rage and a marine stormed out of the cockpit.

"Brother Will." Reclusiarch Sammael began. "While I am pleased to see you, and have no expectations as to what my bolter will add to the battle to come. Might you want to return and fly the craft? Or not. Your choice really."

"Those xenos are cheating!" Will protested.

"Well let's get down there and use some leet hacks of our own then." Hudson interjected. Will nodded and moved back towards the cockpit. As he made his way there a voice came over the voxlink.

"Thunderhawk 12. Why are you in a nose dive?" it was Captain Gerhart.

"Sorry, Captain." Sammael responded. "We got too engaged in passionate man sex, and lost track of the mission."

"Ah, it happens." The vox-link cut out.

[Sammael]

This is a true work of art. I demand it be framed and posted in a gallery for all to see.

[destroyerOFwill]

Why else do you think the emprah hates xenos? They are DIRTY CHEATERS!!

[Grimaldus]

Why else do you think the emprah hates xenos? They are DIRTY CHEATERS!!

exactly

[Domine Nox]

The thunderhawk slammed down, and with practiced efficiency the Crimson Fists disembarked. As far as the eye could see other thunderhawks were doing the same. The wrath of the sons of Dorn would be swift and brutal.

"All captain's check in." Gerhart called over the vox.

"Hudson here, landed and ready to stick it to the aliens."

"White h-" static kicked in. "- nd read-" The rest of the message was garbled.

"What was that, White?" Gerhart called back over the vox.

"Captain," Reclusiarch Sammael chimed in. "Captain White wanted to inform us that he had read up on the latest asian pornogrophy."

"Neg-" It cut out again. Hudson noticed that as White's vox started Sammael activated a device.

"We don't make such racial slurs in the Fists, White." Sammael chided over the vox.

"This behavior is unbecoming of Space Marines." Brother Dante chimed in over the vox. In response the vox went silent. "Brothers?"

The silence continued. "Guys!?"

[destroyerOFwill]

More, must have MORE!

[Grimaldus]

we need MORE!!!!!!

[Draco Ny'ade]

This threw me into fits of uncontrollable suiciadal laughte....

[Emporer469]

oh my god my sides are moving on there own

[Sammael]

Hilarious. I applaud this.

[Hudson]

So good!!!!